You have a massive feast in the city, there’s a long queue at the pizza parlor, and you’re starving. You don’t have time to go from one restaurant to another so you decide to go to the first restaurant you come across. Upon entry, you see a long counter with dozens of people standing behind it. You take a hesitant step towards the counter and ask the person at the front, “What’s the deal here? Is this place open for customers or just for employees?” The person behind the counter, who has been watching you enter, smiles and says, “We’re always open for customers. You’re our first customer today, so we’re pretty excited to serve you.”
You order a pizza, and when it comes, you’re slightly surprised by its thinness. However, that’s not all there is to it. The pizza is covered in what looks like gunk; it’s a bit chewy and has a strange texture. You don’t think much of it, but you eat it anyways because you’re hungry. A few minutes later, you feel a sharp pain in your stomach and look down in horror to see a mushroom cloud rising from your gut. You attempt to stand up but fall to the floor in agony. Your stomach begins to heal, but it’s a bit twisted and slimy so you don’t eat food with it for a while. Your doctor confirms your worst fears. It’s an infection, and it’s pretty serious if not treated promptly.
You spend the next three weeks in bed, dreaming of tasty foods. When you’re finally able to get out of bed, you realize that your entire body has changed. You grow hair where there wasn’t any before, your skin tingles where there weren’t any before, and your mouth waters at the smell of delicious foods. You decide to enjoy life how it is now while you can, so you spend the rest of your days in bed, eating what you desire. The day before you died, you ate a pizza laced with cancer and had a massive heart attack. But that’s a story for another time.
Upon hearing this, you begin to feel terrible. You had the absolute worst case of food poisoning ever, and it was all because of that damn pizza. You beg the doctor for an autopsy so you can prove to everyone how much that damn pizza hurt you. Unfortunately, the doctor refuses to perform an autopsy on you, citing a violation of your human rights. You manage to escape the hospital, but not before being put into a medically-induced coma. Thankfully, you emerge from the coma a bit less disabled. One of the perks of being in a vegetative state was that you could eat what you want without risking your health. Your body heals, and you begin to enjoy life how it is now. One day, while lying in bed, you feel a pinch in your elbow. You look down to see a bright orange ring creeping its way up your arm. You scream in agony as the infection spreads throughout your body. Your doctor comes in and tries to remove the ring, but it’s too late, and you pass away.
What Is It That You’re Not Allowed To Eat?
The doctor finally consents to do an autopsy on you, and he discovers something awful. It seems that the fungus that attacked your stomach had also invaded your body, and it’s evolved into something even more dangerous. What the doctor found was a strain of the fungus that is resistant to chemical warfare. While your body fought the good fight, the fungus grew strong enough to overpower it, and it’s growing rapidly. The doctor suspects that if he doesn’t find a way to treat it promptly, it might grow large enough to the point where it attacks the brain, causing acute food poisoning that leads to death. Only one thing can cause this – the pizza you ate two weeks prior. The doctor informs the police, and they bring you up on charges for murder. They’re going to put you away until you die, and nobody is going to be able to help you. Your wife, who you haven’t seen in years, recently found out about your predicament and broke down in tears. She had always cared for you and wanted the best for you, but it seems that her loving kindness got the better of her. She can’t stand the thought of you being in prison, and she’s scared that the same thing is going to happen to her. She desperately wants to help you, so she did some research and found a way to destroy the fungus without going to jail. The plan is to lure the fungus into a vat of boiling water, which will kill it instantly. Unfortunately, she isn’t allowed to visit you in prison because she’s on parole. She feels guilty about what she’s doing, but she can’t help it. She loves you and wants to save your life, even if it means breaking the law.
You’re not all that excited about the plan, but you go with it anyway because you want to live. When you arrive at the prison, you’re surprised to see how nice it is. There are palm trees and tropical plants, and the walls are covered in tropical print wallpaper. You realize that although you’re in a dangerous place, it’s not that bad. The nurse comes in and gives you a shot while you’re waiting for the water to boil. About ten minutes later, she brings in a pizza covered in fungus. It’s the worst pizza you’ve ever had, but you force yourself to eat it because you’re starving. The nurse looks at you with sympathy and says, “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to serve you anymore. The governor has blocked all calls from the public because he doesn’t want anyone to eat during the outbreak.” She starts to cry as well, but she can’t help it. She cares about you, and she doesn’t want to see you suffer. She walks out, but not before giving you a hug.
The prison warden comes in and asks how you’re doing. You tell him that you’ve had a rough day, and you ask him if he has any ideas about how you can get something to eat. He suggests making a really big mess and praying that the Warden doesn’t clean it all up before dinner time. You explain to the warden that you can’t make any more huge messes, and he understands. He tells you that he’ll do what he can to get you some food, but it’s probably not going to be easy. As he walks out, he tells you that he’s sorry but that he has to go to court, and he gives you a sad smile. You have food poisoning once more, and this time it’s a lot worse. You have a fever and stomach aches that won’t go away. Eventually, you’re going to end up in the hospital again. This time, they don’t even bother trying to treat you. You spend your last night alive in agony, wondering what could have happened had you listened to your wife and saved that pizza. You pass away with a simple smile on your face because, for the first time in your life, you’re glad to be alive. But it’s not a peaceful passing, and it’s all because of that damn pizza.