Ah, the toilet. We all use them, but did you know that some people take the time to literally speed while using the toilet? Since the 19th century, gentlemen have been doing things like cannonballing into toilets, and today, speed killing while on the lavatory is still a popular pastime. The Guinness Book of World Records currently registers the longest recorded toilet sprint as a 6.84-second dash by Japanese athlete Takahiro Kimura in 2003.
How Do I Speed On The Toilet?
Whether you call it speed relaxation or speed dialling, getting into the habit of quickening your pace while on the throne can provide several health benefits. To get started, simply follow these steps:
- Bring a friend.
- Get relaxed.
- Go ahead and take a dump.
- When you’re done, walk slowly to the bathroom sink and splash water on your face.
- Take a drink of water.
- Walk out and stretch.
- If you’re still feeling pumped, go for a swim.
- Take another dump.
- Walk slowly back to the bathroom.
- Drink some water.
- Sit back, relax, and repeat as necessary.
Now you’re ready to tackle the toilet marathon! While you’re in no particular hurry, aim to complete each trip to the bathroom in under 10 minutes. If you can shave off even a few seconds, you’ll feel like you’ve given your body a mini-workout and reduced your risk of some of the more common bathroom ailments. Plus, you’ll feel better about using the toilet because it won’t seem like a chore.
Why Is It Popular Toilet Skating?
Toilets have been a source of excitement for adulterers for generations. The craze began in earnest in the early 20th century as wealthy men sought to relieve boredom by engaging in what was then known as “wastework”. In some instances, husbands would hide cameras in strategic places around the house to catch their wives in the act. There was even a trend called “trapjihing”, where husbands would put magnets on the rim of the toilet tank, hoping to attract an adulterous lover.
Things have changed a bit since then. Nowadays, wealthy men with expansive bathrooms often install saunas or whirlpools next to the toilet, and the craze has shifted towards recreational use. It’s still common for husbands to try to catch their cheating wives in the act, but these days it’s more of a challenge to keep track of the various hiding places they use.
Do I Need A Helmet?
Yes, you need a helmet to go fast on the toilet. It is not recommended that you use a helmet while brushing your teeth or eating, but as a dedicated speed lovin’ athlete, you’ll need protection if you’re going to do damage to your noggin.
There are several types of helmets available for this purpose. For example, if you have a hard time fitting into regular biking helmets, you might prefer a full-face helmet with a wide mouthpiece. These types of helmets provide excellent coverage, making it difficult for anyone outside your head to see what you’re doing.
Should I Try To Fit In With The Bathroom Clogs?
Yes, you should try to fit in with the bathroom clogs. This is a type of toilet paper that is thicker than regular tissue paper, and it offers excellent support for the head while avoiding the need for facial tissue.
If you frequently find yourself needing to wipe your nose while on the toilet, you might prefer to try using a disposable wet wipes packet instead of a tissue. These types of wipes come in handy when you are not feeling particularly hygienic, or when you have a cold or the flu. Plus, they’re pretty easy to clean up after yourself if you want to be a bit more eco-friendly.
Toilet Skating Is Bad For The Environment?
Nowadays, we try to be as eco-friendly as possible, and toilet skating is certainly no exception. First of all, using paper products while on the toilet is massively excessive, both environmentally and financially speaking. Not to mention that there are several health benefits to be gained from regular toilet usage. Going to wash the bathroom floor after each and every excursion makes for excellent cleaning practice, too.
If you’re worried about the environment, you could always take the train to work rather than drive your car, or you could try going zero-waste by using the restroom at a coffee shop or restaurant instead of at home. All these small changes add up, and they’ll make a noticeable difference for the better.
Toilet speed skating is a fun pastime, but it’s not exactly eco-friendly, so if you’re trying to be considerate of the environment, you might want to avoid this sport.
What Is The Best Way To Cool Myself Off On A Hot Summer Day?
For some reason, people seem to love cold weather more than hot weather. This is why you’ll see so many people huddled around ice-tea vendors on blistering hot summer days, sipping refreshing beverages and trying to stay cool. So, if you’re looking to beat the heat on a hot summer day and don’t want to go too far from home, there are several ways to stay cool: